Dealing With Pet Loss
An in depth series facing the one thing we all think about, but none of us want to talk about…
by Timery Crawford
"It’s just a dog.” These four words can be devastating for anyone who owns a special-needs animal, especially when their loved one has just been diagnosed with a life-altering or –ending disease. It is hard enough for owners of such special dogs to handle and live with the day-to-day aspects of their pet’s special condition without being invalidated for their pain or grief by their friends and family.
What these naysayers don’t understand is the beauty and fulfillment of a dog-owner relationship. Oftentimes it is not our human friends, but our canine companions who truly see us through everything: our good days, our bad days, and the days when we were glad no one else is there to witness it.
Dr. Trish Lane, a licensed clinical psychologist since 1990, is a dedicated dog-lover who counsels pet-owners through the grief process when their animal has been diagnosed with a terminal condition. She also helps owners make the right decisions for them as to how to handle difficult choices, such as treatment, loss, and after-life care.
“When people figure out their options and choices, the situation is not so vague. The real fear is the not knowing,” Dr. Lane said.
Each dog and dog-owner’s situation is unique and based on many factors. The dog’s condition and prognosis, in addition to the owner’s financial status can all play a role in how the pet is cared for and treated. There are sometimes several options for a special-needs canine that can be adjusted for those with small pocketbooks. Other times, the only choice is between surgery and death.
In any case, it is critical to have a good and comfortable relationship with your vet, so you both can discuss what course is right for you and your four-legged friend. Owners, if time allows, should gather as much information as possible as to their dog’s condition. Take as much time as needed to spend with your dog, and review all the information as carefully as possible before making a decision. Your values are your own, so make the treatment decision that is best for you, your dog, and your situation.
Regardless, either living with or living without a special-needs dog is incredibly painful. Dr. Lane understands the grieving process first-hand, after her spunky golden retriever Shiva died as a result of kidney failure.
“I felt like a lung was ripped out. I had her for 13 years — she was such a witness to my life,” Lane said. “I was home with her and had her in my arms. I cried for days, and tried to talk about her as much as I could. Talking is how we deal with grief.”
Dr. Lane, as a tribute to Shiva, founded the 24-hour California Animal Referral and Emergency (CARE) hospital in Santa Barbara, Calif. She says she wanted other people in the community to have the same resources as Shiva had. Lane still keeps a photo of her and Shiva on her mantel, next to a picture of herself with her new golden. Lane says the pain is less when she thinks about Shiva, but she still loves and remembers her.
“It was so painful and awful. There’s no way to pretty it up. There still isn’t a day I don’t think about her,” Lane said. “Part of how I keep [Shiva] alive is through her memory.”